Allyship

About six years ago I was asked to be an administrator for a well-known parenting group. I became friends with one of the members – asking them questions and seeking to learn more about the LGBTQ+ community. They would respond – sometimes harshly – to parents who were leaving negative comments and I thought as an administrator, “Should I take this post down?” If an online conversation tends to go sour, the natural reaction is to take the post down but they were different. They encouraged the rocky conversations because in these comments we learned something. They weren’t afraid of the controversial comments because they taught us all a little more about ourselves.

After a couple years, the other administrators had enough of this person striking controversy. To me, on the other hand, they were the reason I loved this parenting group so much. When they asked them to leave, I left shortly after and made up some excuse as to why I couldn’t be an administrator anymore. Most of the reason I stayed was because of what I learned from them.

Years later, my friend, Jeffrey Bernstein, has grown so much – just as they have taught me to grow. Their willingness to show grace and allow these rocky conversations is exactly what a person of faith should be doing. They are Jewish and I am a Christian pastor but I feel like I learn more from them than vice versa. 

We met for the first time in person at the National At-Home Dad Network’s Home Dad Convention last year and it was like running into an old friend. We had breakfast with multiple Jewish persons and some Christians one morning and it was the highlight of my trip. We were laughing and sharing our frustrations and explaining how we have all fallen short and it was a difficult discussion anyone could relate to.

It means a lot to me that their picture is now hanging on our bulletin board in our hallway. We’ve asked them to share their presentation on “The Five Languages of Allyship” which I saw first at Home Dad Con last year. They will be sharing their presentation with us on June 1. Even though I know our church is ecumenical and inclusive, I love to see this Jewish Gay Person on our bulletin board.

There are moments Jeffrey could have given up on me for asking stupid questions or doing stupid things, but they never did. They helped me to grow and become a different person and for that I am forever thankful. I am ecstatically looking forward to Jeffrey teaching us – like they taught me – how to be better and do better. 

Reverend Russell Clark